| ive never felt as alone as i do now. and i can't even blame nobody but myself. this whole time im thinking im helping myself out by keeping to myself, but i just end up livin as if the world revolves around me and block people off that could be helping me, completely counteracting my whole objective of trying to better myself. along the way i must have pissed off people, turned people off, and lost people. im still trying to pinpoint exactly what the hell the problem is, but i know it all includes...me living in the past, lack of self discipline, being careless, procastination, restlessness, attention span of a child, and most of all thinking only of my damn self and living thinking im a damn victim, and i think wayyy too much. im a fuckin idiot, i know i have so much more potential than this bullshit act im putting up, but right now right now, yeah im an idiot. I feel i've been fighting one hell of a war, i won one battle last semester with school, but right now, my ass is getting whooped by it again! and its all against who else but myself. do i not love myself that much? do i lack self respect? these questions i ask are a little late. but it had never hit me to truly examine how much do i care for myself because ive continously blamed others and looked on the outside for answers. i told you i was an idiot.. I have been positive starting out this year, but im feeling down on myself right now because im feeling a very dark cloud will soon show up...within a month. once i get this letter.....of rejection. and so here i am bashing myself. i'm not trying to fish out anything from people through this, im just expressing. and besides i think only like 2 people read this. lol helloo! xanga = therapy |
